the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
