If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
