i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
