Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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