So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
