I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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