He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
