So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Terrible idea I love it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
