Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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