White coat. Heels.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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