Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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