That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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