I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize