Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
