I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
