you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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