he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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