I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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