I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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