I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
