look no pants
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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