i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
