Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
