And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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