the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
