Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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