Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
