just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
