Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
