some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
