i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
