she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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