Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
