In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
