the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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