is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
