I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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