Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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