She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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