Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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