i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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