so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
