peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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