can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
