I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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