Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize