I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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