Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
