I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
