I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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