nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
