We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
