I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
