Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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