I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
