I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
