I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
