That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
