The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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