Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
