The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
