i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
