They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
