He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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