Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
