in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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