I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
