Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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