Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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